Billy Conoly – D.I.V.O.R.C.E

G			                   C		    G
Our little dog is six years old, and he's smart as any damn kid.

                                   A                    D
But when you mention the V.E.T. he damn near flips his lid.

G		            C        G
Words like S.H.O.T. shot or W.O.R.M. worm,

C	             G                 D    G
These are words which make him S.Q.U.I.R.M. squirm.


G                    C         G
His Q.U.A.R.A.N.T.I.N.E starts today,

                              A            D
Coz he bit the V.E.T. and then he ran away.

G		                                        C                G
He caused me and my wife to have a big fight, and then, both of them bit me.

    C               G                   D   G
And that's why I am gonna get a D.I.V.O.R.C.E.


G			       	                     C          G
She shouted "get him Rover," and he jumped over, and bit my L.E.G.

                                    A                  D
She sank her teeth in my B.U.M. and called me an effin C.

G				              C        G
Well I'm telling you, that was my cue, to get O.F.F.-ski

C		        G                             D   G
And I'm going down to the town tonight to get a new B.I.R.D.


G 	   	       C           G
Oh yes his Q.U.A.R.A.N.T.I.N.E starts today.

 			               A               D                    
Both my wife and my wee scabby dog will soon be hauled away.

G 				        C                  G
That's why I spell out all these words, so as my dog can't hear.

   C	             G                 D      G
Oh I must admit that dog is acting Q.U.E.E.R. queer.

    C                G                 D      G
Oh, I must admit my dog is acting Q.U.E.E.R. queer.