Alright, sports fans.
This version of the song just has 3 basic major chords.  In the actual song, from what I 
anyway, there's single notes being played, but this sounds better if you're playing alone.

G                C                                   G
I know that it matters.. but that mean doesn’t mean you should care
           D                                       G
I left my wife and only child for a girl at the Renaissance Faire
               C                      G
Her name was Rowena: she came from Camelot
                        D
She spoke with the darlingest English accent...
        G
or at least that’s what I thought

                           C
Chorus: Her bosoms were heaving..
                        G
her hair smelled like steak...
               D                                    G
she poured me beer from her lips and I drank and I drank

  G                    C                 G
Well, I quit selling software; bought an RV
                 D
Picked up some cashews for Rowena
                 G
I drove us from sea to shining sea
                            C
she did the Ren Faire in Phoenix
                            G
she did the Ren Faire in joliet
                             D
she did the Ren Faire in Fredricksburg
                             G
Fredricksburg isn’t over her yet
                            C
Chorus: Her bosoms were heaving..
                     G
her hair smelled like steak...
               D                                    G
she poured me beer from her lips and I drank and I drank
  G                    C
Some nights she got cranky
                     G
some nights she got mean
                     D                          G
some nights she got busy behind the snow cone machine.
                C                                G
But I always forgave her when she came home and cried.
                  D                                     G
No, I never felt down on my luck when I woke up with Rowena by my side.

                           C
Chorus: Her bosoms were heaving..
           G
her hair smelled like steak...
               D                                     G
she poured me beer from her lips and I drank and I drank

                     C                     G
one day she went jousting out in west Tennessee
                          D                           G
she took a lance to the helmet shattered most of her teeth
                      C                            G
she lost an eye in a bar fight lost her leg to gangrene
                  D                                  G
ah but you know Rowena my love still the darlingest thing

                           C
Chorus: Her bosoms were heaving..
           G
her hair smelled like steak...
               D                                     G
she poured me beer from her lips and I drank and I drank

                        C                         G
and it was raining in Downey when I asked her to wed she said
                  D                         G
“what are you crazy?” and she hopped out of bed
                      C                           G
she knocked over the table and she hopped to the door
                            D                        G
she said “I don’t sign contracts” and left my life forevermore

                       C
Chorus: Her bosoms were heaving..
         G
her hair smelled like steak...
                D                                    G
she poured me beer from her lips and I drank and I drank

 G                        C                    G
Now I’m heading for the desert gonna burn this RV
G                          D                                    G
tell your mommy that I’d loved her and stay away from men like me
                C
I would tell you I was following my heart
                        G
and I’d do anything to make you care
                           D                                   G
but I gave up everything I had for a girl at the renaissance faire

--and I’d do it again!

                       C
Chorus: Her bosoms were heaving..
           G
her hair smelled like steak...
              D                                   G
she poured me beer from her lips and I drank and I drank
             D        G
she poured me beeEEEEr...

*end of song*

So yeah. Good luck with that!