"I'm Not Crying" by Flight Of The Conchords

This is how I play it...I can't say if the chords (especially during the bridge
s) are dead-on accurate, but...put it this way: unless you're really particular,
this version should enable you to play a very passable version of the song.

NOTE ON THE INTRO: I find it easiest to play it this way: start off with a Cm
barre chord at the 8th fret (emphasizing the lighter 4 strings) then, from that
position, drop your middle finger to the 7th fret to form the Cm/B chord, then
pick up your middle finger completely to form a C min 7th chord.

(Also, I play the C/B chord like this: Just like a first position Em, but with
your index finger on the 2nd string, first fret. I just leave the 6th and 1st
strings open.) 

OK..here goes:

Cm                Cm/B         Cm7                             G#-Fm
So, you're leaving...I can tell...because I can see you leaving.....

Cm                                    Cm/B
But if you’re trying to break my heart...your plan is flawed from the 
     
     Cm7                                 G#         Fm
start...you can't break this heart..it's liquid..it melted when I met you...

Cm                             Cm/B                    Cm7
And as you turn around to leave...don’t turn back to me...
                                                            
                                 G#      Fm
Don’t turn around and see if I’m crying, I’m not crying...

C              C/B                    Am
I’m not crying, it’s just been raining on my face
C                                C/B
And if you think you see some tear tracks down my cheeks, please, 
Am
Please don’t tell my mates


C               C/B  Am
I’m not crying, no...I’m not crying
C                   C/B
And if I am crying, it’s not because of you
                 Am
It’s because I’m thinking about a friend of mine
Who you don’t know who is dying, that’s right, dying

G#                    F(or Dm7)              F                            
These aren’t tears of sadness because you’re leaving me,
     
     F (or Fm optional)
I’ve just been cutting onions

C   C/B      Am
I’m making a lasagna...for one

Fm          
Oh, I’m not crying, no!

C
There’s just a little bit of dust in my eye
                C/B
That’s from the path that you made when you said your goodbye
        Am
I’m not weeping because you won’t be here to hold my hand
For your information there’s an inflammation in my tear gland

C
I’m not upset because you left me this way
C/B
My eyes are just a little sweaty today
             Am
They’ve been looking around, they've been searching for you
They’ve been looking for you, even though I told them not to

Fm                                         
These aren’t tears of sadness, they’re tears of joy
I'm just laughing...

C     C/B   Am     Fm
Ha   ha-ha  ha

Fm
Sitting at this table called love
        
Staring down at the irony of life
C                           C/B
How come we’ve reached this fork in the road

Am
And yet it cuts like a knife?

        C   C/B
I’m not cry-ing
        Am  G
I’m not cry-ing
        F
I’m not cry-y-y-y-y
Fm        C
y-y-y-y-y-ing

Find a friend to sing the (intentionally) ridiculous falsetto part with you at
the end...Guaranteed to crack up everyone with a sense of humor in the
room...plus it's just damn fun to do...